Dreamer
by Z. Alexander
Summary: -in sleep he sang to me; in dreams he came- He'll always be gone when she wakes but she knows, without a doubt, that they're wrong when they say he couldn't have been there in the first place.


A little Roxas/Kairi, here, because red and blond go together and because it just flew into my head. I'm pretty sure this will prove to everyone that I'm not as morbid as I am random, but this isn't a happy story so don't expect that kind of random. Even though it's a love story, it's not totally happy. There's a mention of Roxas/Axel in here, if you squint, but honestly if slash bothers you, then you can take it as very, very deep friendship (only die-hard AkuRoku fans like me will bother to take it the other way anyway). And guess what? This takes place a few years after KHII ends.

A little note before we go on: I don't particularly like the sound of Roxas' English voice actor. But I love the sound of his Japanese voice actor. So imagine for me that voice speaking these lines. In my opinion, it sounds really beautiful.

Once upon a time, there lived a girl named Zheyne who didn't own Kingdom Hearts. The end. (Duly Disclaimed.)

* * *

She never knew him before his body slept in its digital prison, before he called out and reached the wrong person. And in the honest part of her mind, she admits she forgot all about him.

_but she likes to pretend she was looking for him because the other redhead spoke of him like a fanatic speaks of their god and that's what caught her attention and she never saw his face but knew he was beautiful and when she found out what happened to her kidnapper she tried very hard not to cry but_

"You're so dreamy lately, Kairi. What's got you so distracted?"

_he's just like Sora but different because he's lighter and darker and she'll never tell Riku just how seductive darkness is because _

"I've been thinking a lot lately."

_and she thinks she heard that somewhere but maybe she remembers a story he told when fake friends didn't ask_

"About what?"

She could never ask for better friends. Sora, the enthusiastic boy who grew up a lot in two years, but still likes to build sandcastles close to the waves because when they pull the sand away it's like he's touching the entire world. Riku, the quiet one sitting next to her, gazing at her like he knows more than she thinks. But he doesn't. She can't ask for better friends, but she can ask for worse ones. Friends who won't ask why she stays at the tree alone long after sunset or why she takes sleeping pills every night.

_he'll be there tonight to tell her about_

"Nothing."

"Oh, c'mon, Kairi. Even _Sora_ wouldn't believe that, and you know how he hates to think people are capable of lying."

_he lies but it's beautiful because_

"I'm…"

_she wants to tell because he is worth _

"You can tell me, you know. I won't tell anyone, if that's what you want."

She can't ask for better friends, but she desperately wants worse ones.

_maybe even the other redhead even though he'd be competition for his attention  
_

"…Okay."

* * *

She can focus, now that the sun has set and Sora has gone home. He's well aware of the bond between Riku and Kairi, the thread between them which bears a proud flag.

_Best friends._

She'd like to say that Sora and Riku are even, but that would be a lie. Sora knows it and he seems to understand; and though she and Riku share secrets, she's closer to Sora anyway. They're connected by a different sort of thread, a soul. She thinks sometimes that if it weren't for…then maybe…

She'd look horrible in a wedding dress anyway, though Sora would definitely look good beside her. And Riku as the best man would embarrass him at every possible opportunity and it would be perfect.

But she doesn't crave perfection.

"So…what is it, Kairi?"

She looks at Riku, leaning against the branch beside her. She hugs her knees and rests her chin atop them, sighing. It isn't an easy thing to admit.

"I'm…I think I'm a little messed up," she admits.

He raises an eyebrow. She can't help but notice he doesn't look as good as –

"I think we all are," he replies quietly. "All three of us had to grow up faster than the others. We're all dealing with it differently. Something else is wrong, Kairi, isn't it?"

"Yes." She shivers, though it's not cold; even though she's afraid of what Riku might say, she's still excited. It's thrilling. Even though she knows it's not reality, she pretends it's like bringing him to life.

"But…no. Riku, I'm in…love?"

She doesn't know why the word suddenly shot out. She hasn't ever thought about it that way. He comes to her in dreams, tells her stories. Sings to her, a song his friend wrote when they were both alive.

But she never thought it was love.

_but it is_

"Really? I'm guessing by the way you said it that it's not Sora…or me. Who is it?"

She bites her lip and hesitates.

"Hey, Kairi." He lifts her chin and gazes into her eyes. They're a strange aquamarine color and she thinks – with disgust directed at herself – that they can't hold a candle to –

"I guess you could say it's Sora, but that would be insulting to him…"

He suddenly grows concerned. "You're not making very much sense. Is there something I should know about?"

Always so protective, like the older brother she may have had. But she doesn't remember anything from the Other World (Hollow-Bastion-Radiant-Garden-Whatever), and apparently neither do people who have lived there forever, so she'll never know if she had a brother or not.

_they don't remember their princess but that's okay because she doesn't want to be one any more since he isn't anything close to a prince_

She invokes the best friend code, and hopes Riku will understand. "Promise you won't freak out or anything?"

He laughs and turns back to the waves they can't see, but can hear. "You should know by now, I'll only freak out if you're in some kind of trouble. Or possibly doing drugs."

Okay, then.

"Do you…remember the boy you couldn't defeat until you embraced the darkness in your heart? The one you put into a computer to help heal Sora?"

His eyes widen and his face goes pale.

* * *

"_Have I ever told you that I like your laugh," he asks, head in her lap as she runs her fingers through his soft, blond hair._

"_No, but thanks. Why?"_

"_You remind me so much of him…but your laugh is only yours. When I try to imagine him laughing like that, he gets shorter and his eyes turn blue and he turns into you."_

_Maybe he's still competition, even in oblivion –_

"_It tells me that you're realer than he could ever be. Which is why I didn't go back to him even when he begged and I remembered; if you had been the one to ask, I would have done it."_

_He's speaking in a very dull tone, as if he's reading out of her history textbook instead of doing something like confessing. Maybe it's not a confession. But if it isn't, she'll still pretend it is because his words are more powerful than any of his kisses. His words tell her what his kisses don't._

_He laughs quietly, sharply. She's used to his mannerisms by now; she knows that whatever he says next will be important, but worded in a way to make it seem like it's only a sarcastic statement. "Axel used to tell me he'd walk through fire for me, but that obviously didn't mean much. I bet he'd be laughing his ass off right now because I keep wondering what it would feel like if I did it for you."_

_She can feel her face heating up, can feel her heart flutter quickly –_

"_That must be Sora's thoughts bleeding through," he says, voice dull once again. "I think he's awake."_

* * *

Riku holds her close and pats her back as she cries into his shoulder. She can tell he's out of his element – this is Sora's territory, not his – but she's still grateful he's trying.

_it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair it's_

"Strange," he says quietly. He's always quiet unless he's playing with Sora. He's always quiet with her. He doesn't like her like he likes Sora but that's okay because she doesn't like him that way either.

"I'd say totally unfair," she retorts, sniffling. She doesn't try to hold back tears because her dream told her once that she's beautiful when she cries.

"I don't understand it at all. How can you…"

"We spoke once, when Sora was still asleep…" Her chest heaves, and she drags in a long, shuddering breath. Now that she's talking again the tears have stopped, but the sobbing in her chest still needs time. "When that girl connected my heart to Sora's, I found him first. Or maybe he found me when he called out for her; neither of us understands it. But now, whenever I'm asleep, he's waiting for me. I'm so pathetic, Riku…I've fallen in love with him."

He pushes her away gently, keeping hold of her shoulders so he can look into her face from a short distance. "You're not pathetic. But…" He frowns. "…Are you sure you aren't just…dreaming?"

"Of _course _I'm dreaming! It's _all _dreams," she spits. Not because she's angry with him for doubting her, but because it _is _all dreams. She'll never get to find out if he really smells like sugar. She'll never get to see if his hair is truly that soft.

"I mean…" Now he's shaking his head, looking concerned, and

_don't do this not now he's real he has to be I can't be falling for nothing even if he really is nothing because to me he's something and he should be something to everyone else too because_

"Sora dreams of Organization members occasionally. Maybe it's Naminé's memories, passed on to you, and you see _her_ dreams-"

"He calls me _Kairi." _She doesn't know why she's angry. But she thinks

_how dare he imply that Roxas has feelings for that other girl who is called Naminé now I remember he never liked blonde only red because it was Axel first and then me and he told me last night he'd walk through fire for me so that must mean I'm more important and that shouldn't make me happy I'm supposed to be a princess of heart but suddenly I want to just be Kairi just me and him and his darkness and light and twilight_

He still looks puzzled, and she sighs. "He practically told me he loves me last night."

He hugs her briefly and then says, in a strange tone, "Go home, Kai. Get some rest. Let's talk to Sora tomorrow, okay?"

* * *

"_Riku doesn't believe me."_

_He kisses the nape of her neck, a place he knows from a year of experience. "Does that bother you?"_

_She leans into him and he catches her with strong arms, stronger than Sora's and maybe even Riku's. "Kind of. He's my best friend. He should be able to understand that I can't help who I…"_

_He laughs very, very quietly. "You're crazy, Kairi. To them, you're losing your mind. Does _that _bother you?"_

_This is an easy question to answer. "Not if it means I get to see you."_

_She thinks he's most beautiful during those rare times when his smile is real._

* * *

Sora gapes at her with wide eyes. "Kairi," he whispers. "Roxas disappeared a year ago. I can't even feel him in my heart any more."

"Well that proves it," she cries triumphantly.

"But that means he's completely integrated into Sora's system," Riku points out, completely ignoring her outburst. "He can't be in your dreams unless you-"

"I'm not _crazy!"_

_she thinks it will be okay if she accepts it but what she really wants is acceptance from her two best friends on any world except her heart because in there he is her world_

"I didn't say you were!" Riku's hands are up by his chest but he's exchanging a worried look with Sora while he thinks she isn't looking.

She runs home and swallows two pills dry, not bothering to hold back tears because once she's asleep the only one who sees her will say she's beautiful when she cries.

* * *

"_I never want to leave you," she admits softly._

"_You have a life to live." She wants to hear his real voice, not this pale impression, but she thinks he must be holding in whatever he's feeling. If he is feeling. He says he can't, but she's pretty sure she knows better._

"_I know." She buries her face in his shoulder, and she likes the way it fits. Better than the way she fits into Riku's shoulder. "Sing to me?"_

_He sighs and begins.

* * *

Creeping out of corners by the moonlight_

_The shadows search for things that aren't there_

_Watch with me as they begin to decay_

_We'll catch the light they never planned to share_

_Drink it in; it's all you'll ever receive_

_Meet the yellow gaze, the haunting stare_

_Let the shadows breathe the light a last time_

_Then slice away its alternate to air_

_Hear them, seeming them_

_They're teeming_

_Feed them, kill them_

_They're screaming_

_Pretend this all is nothing_

_Pretend you're only dreaming_

_Creeping out of corners in the moonlight_

_Shadows make the most unpleasant sight_

_But someday their efforts will put us right_

_And then we'll all escape this endless night_

It echoes through her head. It isn't the best song she's heard, but she likes it. She likes it because it's the only song Roxas knows and his voice is too smooth to not be heard. She's careful not to repeat the song in front of Riku and Sora, because

_they still don't believe me he's real I know it they say he's just my imagination maybe they just don't deserve him_

* * *

She can't hold it in any more.

"I know you two are worried about me. I've fallen in love with someone you can't see or hear or touch. But you shouldn't worry about me, okay? I'm going to fix this. I'm going to try to stay in reality, okay?"

Riku and Sora look as if they can't decide whether to be relieved or more worried.

She smiles and clasps her hands in front of her, and stands between them as the sun sets. She leaves the branch behind and when they part ways, she gives them each hugs.

"Goodbye."

* * *

_It's been very dark for a long time, but now she can see light. She hasn't been in a tunnel, but perhaps it was a cave and she's nearing the entrance. She hears music, some upbeat song she's never heard, and reaches out for the light, grabs hold. Takes a deep breath, and opens her eyes._

* * *

It takes Naminé a grand total of six seconds to realize she's not dreaming. She's not stuffed beneath a heart. She's not staring at Kairi.

She screams – because she knows Kairi is gone forever now, seduced by the darkness of the boy trapped within her heart –

_and breaks the mirror_


End file.
